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Harmony in Marriage Santacruz Bombay, tea used to be brought up to me. Some days they forgot to put sugar in the tea. I would drink it, telling Dada within, 'Sahib, put some sugar in this tea', and so Dada will do so. So I will drink the tea even if there was no sugar in it. Interference was not my nature. Then later on they will be rushing around to bring the sugar. I would ask 'Why did you bring sugar?' They would say 'Why did you not ask for sugar, the tea was not sweet?' I would reply, 'Why do I need to tell you?" Do you understand what I am saying? (116)
I asked one man if he ever pointed out his wife's mistakes. He said that she is full of mistakes so they have to be pointed out. I said, 'you klutz, bundle of intelligence! If you were to sell this bundle, no one would even give ten cents for it.' and here you are with the belief that your wife is full of mistakes. (117)
Questioner: Some people understand their mistakes, but are not able to improve. What then?
Dadashri: They cannot improve by you telling them. On the contrary, they get worse. It is only when one thinks about how to avoid mistakes, then only she needs to be told. Communicate openly with her in a friendly manner. Should you not have a friendship with your wife? You keep friendship with others. Do you argue with your friends daily in this manner? Do you openly point out their mistakes to them? No! That is because; you want to maintain that friendship. Whereas with your wife you think,' Where can she go, now that she is married'. This kind of behaviour does not suite us. Make your life like a garden. Your home should feel like you are in a garden. You should not let any problems occur for anyone in the home. Even for the young children, if they know their mistakes, then you should not point it out to them at all.
Harmony in Marriage
Show only the mistakes they are not aware of.
(118)
It is sheer madness to exercise dominance. What qualifies you as a good husband? When you do not meet any opposition from your wife.
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Everyone nags at the woman in the home. That is not a sign of gallantry. Gallant is the man who does not cause any difficulty for the wife or the children in the home. The child may misbehave, but this should not disturb the peace and harmony of the married couple. This is called marriage. Children are innocent, naive and immature. What do you think? What does justice tell you? (119)
Draw attention to only those faults they are not aware of, or cannot see. If you nag them over what they understand as a mistake, you will hurt their ego. They will then wait for a chance to repay you. They wait for that opportunity. What is the need for this? There is no need to bring to their attention the things that they already understand. (120)
If it is too bitter, then you should swallow it alone, but how can you allow the women to drink it? After all we are Mahadevji (Lord Mahadev symbolizes a being that swallows up all the poisons/bitterness of the world without any complaints, and does not retaliate). Are we not Mahadevji? Men are like Mahadevji. If there is a lot of difficulty, you can tell her 'You don't worry, you go to sleep and I'll take care of it'. Don't these good ladies give us a lot of support in life? So then how can you have problems with her? If you hurt her in any way, then you should repent for it secretly. Tell her, 'From now on I will not hurt you. I made a mistake. Please forgive me'.
What kinds of pain occur at home? What kind of
