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86
Harmony in Marriage
Harmony in Marriage
87
these offences are erased. Otherwise all the pushing and shoving that we did, will come back to bother us. With pratikraman, things lose their intensity.
(377) Questioner: But should there not be an occasional angry exchange between a husband and a wife?
Dadashri: No. There is no such law. There should be a lot of peace between a husband and a wife. If there is any hurt in a relationship, it cannot be called a husband and wife relationship. It does not even happen between two friends and this is the highest friendship of all. It must not happen here. This is all peoples' doing. They themselves have angry exchanges in their marriage so they say that there is nothing wrong with a little anger in marriage. Anger has no place between a husband and wife at all.
(378)
fulfil anything. Whoever has a need will keep an expectation.
(376) Questioner: No matter how silent we remain, but if the men still get angry, what should we do?
Dadashri: If he gets angry and if you want to start a quarrel, then even you too should get angry, otherwise put an end to it. If you want to stop the film', then keep calm. If you don't want to stop the film', then continue to fight all night long. Who is preventing you? Do you like such 'films?
Questioner: No I don't like such 'films'.
Dadashri: What is the use of getting angry? The person himself is not getting angry. The 'mechanical adjustment' (the charged complex of thoughts, speech and actions) is getting angry. He himself is not getting angry. Later on he regrets that it would have been good if this anger did not take place.
Questioner: What is the solution to calm him down?
Dadashri: If a machine gets hot, you have to let it cool down. Just leave it alone for a little while and the machine will cool down. But if you disturb or prod it, you will get burnt.
Questioner: My husband and I get into quarrels and verbal tiffs, so what should we do?
Dadashri: Are you the one that gets angry first, or does he become angry first?
Questioner: He does, but then later on, I do too.
Dadashri: You have to scold yourself from within. 'Why are you behaving this way? You have to suffer the consequences of what you have done.' With pratikraman (repentance and resolve not to repeat the same mistake) all
Questioner: It is written in our scriptures that the woman should treat her husband like the Lord. She is to obey and follow his commands. In this day and age, how can we adapt to that?
Dadashri: That is only called for if the husband is like Lord Rama, then she has to become like Sita. But if he is belligerent and disgusting, and you do not object, then how is it going to work? It would be best if you could live in harmony but this is not feasible. How can one be calm when he keeps pushing and prodding? So what else is the poor wife to do? The husband should adopt conduct becoming of an ideal husband. The wife should adopt conduct as prescribed for an ideal wife. If the husband makes a little mistake, she should endure it. But if he starts to abuse her, what is the poor woman to do?
Questioner: "The husband himself is The Supreme
