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THE DYNAMICS OF MEDITATION
Inside you know how angry you are, how jealous you are and how competitive you are. Outwardlyyou pretend to be holy. In meditation, sit and watch, say to yourself, “What game am I playing? How am I pretending?"
As long as pretension remains, the truth will not dawn. Truth is not an abstract word, it points to what is real in life. When you accept real life, you may say, “I don't wear the mask of a smile. I am angry, you must know." Or you may say, “I still have many, many desires to be something, to make a show of myself and be in the spotlight. I acknowledge that I have this background. But I am striving to free myself from these shackles, from these chains of my past."
Sincerely and seriously you accept yourself. Don't try to collect opinions and praise for yourself. The more praise you hear, the more you have to pretend. You have to keep yourself to that standard, and it is a very difficult task because people build great expectations. They say, “You are a good person. You are very calm, you have no desires, you are above all these things.” Then you have to cover your faults so people can't see them and you can obtain more praise. When you meditate, you are not creating any split personality, you are becoming genuine. There is no more pretension.
. It cannot happen overnight. Those who say they are changed instantly don't know the meaning of change. Experience is different from words. When you sit in meditation, you become your own guru. Gu means "darkness” and ru means "remover"-you become the 'remover of your darkness.
